Dear Cruise Director Amy
My husband and I chose to take a Dutchess author cruise because of your long history of “elegance on the sea” and so we would be “treated like royalty.” Your themed cruises are famous within the romance author circle. What better place to get the creative juices flowing than a romantic trip on the sea. I can’t talk highly enough about our experience for the first few days of our vacation. Then that terrible Tuesday came and the world changed for all of us, but to my surprise the level of service and luxury I experienced on your ship didn’t. For almost three months you’ve kept the team together and most of us safe, happy, and productive. However, this past week has seen some drastic changes that I feel need to get addressed.
When we all met the day after the fracture we agreed to keep the cruise going. We had lost almost all communication with the outside world and what little news we got wasn’t good. You promised that if we all agreed we would keep on cruising “until the propellers fell off”. I’m not delusional. I know that things are probably pretty bad on the mainland. I’ve certainly not seen anything encouraging when we’ve pulled into ports along the way, but we made an agreement that day. We have been living up to our end of that agreement and we need you and your staff to live up to yours.
Let’s start with The Amazing Dan. I appreciate that he was the only entertainer to decide to stay on the boat, I really do. I’ve always been a big fan of magic and illusions, but let’s be honest. Dan was never really amazing. At best he was surprising, and even that has become a stretch after watching the same act over 20 times. I can appreciate how hard it must be for him. All of his doves have died and Mrs. Simpson’s boyfriend threw most of his props overboard when he discovered their affair, but there are plenty of seagulls on the deck every morning and the Simpson’s are no longer a concern. Dan needs inspiration and I need to be at least astounded again.
That brings me to the Simpson’s room. After the pirate attack and their loss, we were told that their suite would be put up for bid. It’s been twelve days Amy and the room is still empty. What are we waiting for? I know that I would love a room upgrade and I suspect I’m not alone. While we’re on the subject of empty promises, the projector in the movie theater is still broken and the casino hours remain limited. I understand that you can’t accept credit cards right now and that the ATMs aren’t working but my husband loves his blackjack. On the first day, we were told that you had over 10 years in the hospitality business. I’m sorry, I don’t see it, and more importantly, I don’t feel it.
While we’re talking about people not doing their job, I understand why the dessert bar was discontinued. I think it was a good idea actually. If you can’t keep something up to standards it’s best to end it. What I can’t wrap my head around is why on Earth you thought it was a good idea to end the midnight buffet. Even after all this time, I know the pantry is still very full, and I often don’t care for the daily entree item at dinner. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve come to count on filling up at the midnight buffet in such instances and removing this option for me is unacceptable. If chef Steve thinks he’s going to get a good tip for preparing merely three meals and a snack, he has another thing coming.
Speaking of things, something needs to be done about the thing in the sun deck pool. I understand why you are hesitant to expend the resources necessary to drain the pool. Feeding whatever it is has become a daily ritual for many of us. I’ve spent many hours myself tossing leftover dinner scraps in the murky water and watching it thrash and swirl as it fed, but it’s getting bigger. This morning I saw part of its greenish flank as it heaved itself out of the pool and took a pelican that was standing along the edge. I’m afraid the ship’s unofficial mascot might now pose a danger to anyone who has had a few too many in order to sit through another hour of Dan’s show.
There’s a lot of work to do but I’m confident you’ll live up to my expectations. I need to feel the love Amy. We’re ready to be pampered again.
Mary and Walt Riggins
