Alohagistics Signs Deal To Become Sole Distributor For Automated Pineapple Farm

A little more than a month into 2049, and it’s already been a good year for Lahaina based logistics company Alohagistics. The ultra-cheap crowdsourced shipping company, best known for their promise that your package will, “Get There Eventually,” has penned a deal making them the exclusive distributor of Ananas Farms pineapples.

With the help of prolific inventor Ano Lee, Ananas Farms has single-handedly revitalized the pineapple business in Hawaii. Thanks to a state-of-the-art automated drone picking and planting program, the farm has been able to bring back an industry that was once a hallmark of the islands, but had all but disappeared. Roy Ananas, who now runs the farm his grandfather started, says he’s excited about the new Alohagistics partnership.

“We think Alohagistics is the perfect partner for our pineapple business. They embrace the same family values, aloha spirit, and eye for innovation that we do. It’s kind of ironic that Ano and I revolutionized the pineapple business by almost completely removing the human element, and automating as much as possible with our drones. Now, we’re going to do the same thing on the distribution side, by totally embracing the power of people and the crowd. With the help of our new partners, Lahaina will be able to enjoy locally delivered and grown pineapple at the peak of freshness, cheaper than ever before.”

One might wonder what a shipping company best known for being the choice of personal assistants looking for a new job, and the ultra-cheap, knows about shipping fruit. According to founder Charles Lohi, surprisingly, not a lot. “To be honest, we’re really learning a lot as we go,” he says.

“Since we basically only need to move packages around the island we’re doing pretty good. I’ve made a whole separate food division to make sure only our top tier Parcel Pals, and most reliable looking beginners, get boxes of Ananas pineapples. I’m most proud of the packaging, which helps our volunteer distributors easily recognize which boxes contain fruit. We hope that this packaging innovation will instill a sense of urgency in them, and get the pineapples where they need to be in a timely manner. So far, so good. We’re currently in talks to transport other Ananas Farms products, we’re especially interested in their algae business. Roy is convinced that it’s going to be the superfood of the future, and that’s good enough for us. Unfortunately, the wax treatment that keeps 20 pounds of pineapple perfectly safe during transport, isn’t quite enough to keep in the moisture of 20 pounds of freshly-scooped algae. We’re looking into different design options, as well as an even cheaper “Wet Packaging” freight option now, but we hope to be handing out Ananas algae soon.”

While the farm is singing the praises of their new exclusive partnership, many business owners, especially ones located near the Veil Station, have complained about abandoned packages, enormous clouds of fruit flies, and the smell of rotting fruit. Ano Lee, partner in farms pineapple business, says they are looking into solutions that can make everyone happy.

“Is the occasional forgotten box of 20 pounds of rotting pineapples a problem? I mean, not really. It’s not like it’s a bomb, or a huge public health hazard. It’s just old fruit. Everyone has experienced a garbage can that is holding something a little strong smelling. You just have to take care of it, and pow! No smell. I can understand that it is not not exactly a bonus for these business owners, but it’s not really a big deal. I’m working on a drone solution that can identify the chemicals rotting fruit give off, and will be able to remove abandoned packages, wherever they’re left.

The big story here isn’t the fruit flies, it’s the quality Alohagistics adds to our fruits. Most produce is picked well before peak flavor, and it is common for consumers to have to wait days before their pineapple is as delicious as it cold be. Thanks to the measured, leisurely distribution, offered by the company’s crowdsourced delivery, every Ananas pineapple you find in a store is as delicious as it’s ever going to be. It’s the perfect fruit for your perfect day. We handle the ripening, so you can enjoy the eating.”